Wow!

Snuggled up with Anakin to put him to bed last night and he didn't even ask for titty! Not at 5:30 in the morning either when he usually has another bit. I think my agonised groans of pain when he attached has helped him realise he doesn't want it anymore. It was only going to be a matter of time when I'd need to start refusing him the way my boobs are. Ouch!! The body's mechanism to get that huge kid off the boob when there's another one on the way I suppose. I think my supply is pretty minimal too. It'll be interesting to see how he goes at nap time today. Man I really would enjoy the next 7 months with them back to myself! Greg can have them whenever he likes though ;)

Sweat or Scales (North or South)

Anakin has developed a real sense of humour (I think heightened by the boredom of whole days spent driving to and home from NSW in the last week or so). He gets this evil glint in his eye and says "Sooo.. I've got this new name for you Dad." "Oh yeah, what's that?" And then he'll fart! Or make up some silly rude name like "Brown Wind", "Mulberry Stain", "Cow Nipple", "Bumgrub" or "Poopdeck". The challenge is teaching him that it's not okay to launch right into these kinds of dialogues with strangers. His favourite joke to recite is: Q -"What's invisible and smells like bananas?" A - "Monkey farts!" (Yes, farts are a reoccurring theme stemming from his old man - Greg's been getting around going "Pull my finger!" for weeks now and he never fails to get a huge laugh out of it. Oh to be so easily entertained.) Last night at dinner he put barbeque sauce on his fingertips and then said "High Five Dad!" Hee hee hee. Any opportunity for a laugh. He knows sharks totally freak me out so he gets his shark book and while looking for the biggest, ugliest one that's launching itself out of the water with it's teeth bared and it jaws gaping, he says "I'm looking for your best buddy Mum, I'll find him in a minute."

He's funny and a complete little sweetcake too. He still tells me I'm SOOO beautiful at least 5 times a day and that he loves me SO much. He gives beautiful cuddles and kisses all the time. And apologises heartily if he accidentally hurts me.

We had an excellent holiday. Anakin spent everyday as happy as Larry feeding the birds with Pa and traipsing around with us. (The only bad day he had was Easter Sunday where the main part of his dietary intake was chocolate and his main activity of the day was crying emotionally. Proves how important your diet is!) We rode around the opal fields on our pushbikes every day and "noodled" at the dump. We took in the Goat Cart Races in Lightening Ridge and I was surprised at the fashion saviness of these local women, living in the middle of absolute nowhere. Half of them are probably opal millionaires and holiday in the fashion capitals of the world. Actually there was this row of humpies around the corner from where we were staying called "Millionaires Road". Greg spent a couple of days down the hole with his dad, I reckon it was a bit like scratching a scratchie for him, but one that goes all day long. We made some friends who showed us the impressive amount of valuable opal that they'd found since Christmas - I mean they could probably buy a house with it! And you realise how addictive that lifestyle must be. They all live in shacks and dine at "The Club in the Scrub" and meanwhile they're completely loaded! And I think there's just as many wannabe bushrangers, burning each others camps down and erecting signs like "Dead Men Can't Steal" and "Watch Your Heap" too. It was an eyeopener!

It was a nice change of pace too. Greg's Mum fully looked after us and with barely any jobs for me to do I got a chance to do some fun stuff - Played Upwords and did Crosswords, I drew up an alternative house plan, in case the two story plan comes in way too exy. And I made three friendship bracelets (remember them from high school - the ones you knot out of embroidery thread?) - one for each of my kids! (Yep I'm carrying the third one!!! Me and Greg went from "thinking about trying to conceive" to "trying to conceive" in just a bit more than a fraction of a second and it only took that one time!! I did a pregnancy test after my period was a couple of days late, the verdict being two hot pink lines!! Holy Cow I know!!)

And I guess that whole confession deserves a bit more attention than just a blurb in brackets! I think I'm about 6 and a half weeks along. I haven't even been to see a doctor yet. I've been really well except lately have become a real finicky eater. All I feel like is fruit - gold kiwi's, oranges and bananas, Special K (the cereal I couldn't get enough of when I was pregnant with Izzy and haven't eaten since!) bake beans, and toasted cheese sandwiches. The thought of eating a lot of things is quite unbearable - meat, the fruitcake Greg's mum sent home with us that I was devouring in small truck loads just days ago! Greg has his heart set on keeping the baby's gender a suprise this time, that's going to be excruciating for me come the 20 week scan! I don't mind one way or the other but I'd REALLY like to know ASAP! He's coming up with some really shit names I must say (my apologies if you've ever named someone these) - Logan and Linc! Yelch - how soap opera! Actually his favourite has been "Mookie" - I told him it sounds like a pet name for a ladies vulva, he agreed, and still likes it, I don't mind it really but as a nickname. Apparently it's the name of some basketballer who Pearl Jam named there album Ten after - here I was thinking it was because it had 10 songs on it. It probably doesn't even, I never counted...

At the moment I love the name Montesa for a girl and Wylie for a boy and Maurice for either. Greg won't let me use Oprah :(

I'll come back and add some flix.

Bad dreams

Just after ticking a box on Facebook to say that I "never had bad dreams" I had this horrendous one: Me and Anakin were at some kind of wildlife park with children and parents milling around everywhere when this female principal bailed me up wanting to discuss some work related matters. I was trying to give her some semblance of focus while keeping my attention on Anakin. I completely panicked for an instant when I lost sight of him when moments ago I was sure he was right by my side. His little voice called out for me and I caught sight of him behind someones legs. I motioned him over by my side and said "Here I am Darlin', just here" and noticed he was wearing these really unusually styled clothes I'd never seen before and would have trouble describing. The principal was vying for my attention again and pushing across her point and then in the next instant I realised Anakin had disappeared completely and my heart felt like it dropped out of my body in that moment. I called and called out for him but had this total feeling of devastation and somehow just knew I would never find him again. It was SO HORRIBLE!! I could feel my sanity ripping away from me with each unanswered call of his name and knew I would be a neurotic mess for the rest of my life, if I could even live through the heartbreak. It was so sever I woke up straight after it, with Bubby snuggled up next to me of course. (Except I wanted to go back into my dream and actually find him! I got back there again but he was still gone.)

I told him about my nightmare in the morning, and after describing my anguish over his disappearance and how sad I was this is what he replied: "Hey Mum guess what? I don't have to go to daycare anymore!". That's what came to mind for him. Getting dropped off and having me walk away while he screamed hysterically! Except it wasn't a dream for him! Oh God, I never want to do that again! I told Greg if he wants another baby, he can forget about me working until they're both school age - as in Prep!!

Speaking of which my period was due yesterday!

Anyway I'm reading this book about a photographer who hooks up with this guy and after a rocky start has a daughter to him. He has a myriad of problems relating to his childhood, I think envies their daughter her comparatively stable one and skips out on them. After that the little girl starts developing habits like binding her own wrist to her mums so they couldn't be separated and walking backward so she could always keep her mother in sight. (Imagine the guilt you'd feel if your kid started doing stuff like that.) Anyway the same day as I had that dream I reached the stage in the story where the photographer's nanny looses her daughter in central park. The little girl had a syndrome called "Deer in the Snow" where she faints for no apparent reason and she had a turn and slipped into the lake and drowns and no-one notices. It takes days for the police to find her (and the mum couldn't recall what she wearing either :( Her grief has completely unravelled her, it's so sad. And really well written otherwise I dunno what the hell I'd be reading it for! I can imagine the moments of utter panic and loss I felt in that dream being stretched out for years. How hard to endure...