That's Life.

Oh man, I've been so hung up on these retro teardrop T@B campers only to find out that the original German manufacturers went into receivership and the one and only importers in Australia haven't taken advantage of the manufacturers in the US who have got the rights to the product and designs and are still churning them out, or maybe thought it best not to. But anyway bottom line is the last new T@B offroad camper was sold in Victoria a week ago and the boats kind of sailed without me. It so frustrating because all the info' and write-ups and adverts are all right there in my face and yet I can't get my hands on one!! It's freakn me out! If I lived in any other country I could buy one no worries.

Izzy's in his last few weeks of Primary School and I can't hardly believe it. Rumour has it that the local high school has taken a serious downward turn in the last couple of years as well and has all these behavioural issues going on. I've decided to send him to a private college with a much more solid reputation. I hope he gets use to all the religious imagery and ideologies because he's never really been exposed to any yet. I've been equipping him with nice passive words like Agnostic to replace his preferred descriptor Atheist. My one hesitation is the long drive twice a day, but he'll travel in a flashy air-conditioned coach and they put DVD's on too.

After giving Paul an earbashing about the fact that before he knows it his son is going to be grown into a man and he's going to look back and regret not being around all this time and it's time he started making some choices based on what's good for Izzy and basically stop being such and narcissistic tool-head, he decided to move back up here. Izzy dying to go live with his Dad for a while and Paul is willing to live on the other side of the village which will make Izzy route to his new school a fair bit shorter. Izzy only has to be away from home for a couple of hours before Anakin is saying "Okay, lets pick Brussy up now... time to go get Izzy...". It's going to be a bit of a change for us all!

The last couple of times I've seen Paul my interest in any of his viewpoints/experiences/stories were at an all time low. What he's doing and the satisfaction he gets from things couldn't be more far removed from mine. I just don't get someone who chooses to get up and move a million miles away from their one and only child, probably the only one he's ever going to get to chase some lame pipe dream and he needs for me to spell shit out for him. Friggin stupid. And when he's here for a day or two every six months or so, I'm either envious of the time he gets to spend with Izzy like he's on a bloody holiday, while I'm still stuck doing the daily grind for the kids thinking shit I wish I could have three days where I had absolutely nothing to do besides have fun with my kid/s. Or he sleeps in both days and then is glued to the computer uploading photos to Facebook or music to his MP3 player with his kid on the other side of the room watching tele probably counting down the hours til his Dad skips out again and I'm seething away thinking, how can you be so LAME?!! How can you not want to spend every precious moment right by his side???? And then it's made even worse by the fact that Izzy puts all these demands on me and lays all these trips on me and he'd never put that kind of shit on Paul.

After seeing John Lennon on TV the other night it made me so sad to think of him and every other little kid whose parents skip out on them and let them down. I couldn't stop crying all night. Every kid deserves a Dad like Greg. Anakin has got it made in the Dad department that's for sure.

Anakin is such a beautiful child. We were out picking lychees today and he says to me "Haven't seen you today Mum can I have a kiss?" And he pulled down on my clothes to get me closer for a big smoochy one. It was SO sweet. (But we were the only ones home all day.. together..)

Last night we had fish n chips at the jetty. Greg did some casting and threw a line in. Izzy couldn't stop taking as he'd spent a couple nights with his cousin and was filling me in on all the (exaggerated) details of their adventures together. I think he might have eaten too many jube ears and drank too much ginger beer at the corner store over the weekend and was a bit hyped. Anakin was giving me heartattacks. As any two year old on a jetty at night who can't swim will do I suppose. He needs a runner lead like a little dog so he can go up and down alongside the hand rails. Next time I'm taking his life jacket for sure.