Sunday, November 22, 2009

Come on down!

Spent the day out visiting my cloistered-rainforest-dwelling father, so as a result Greg's crashed out on the couch after too many home-brews and Anakin's fast asleep after a day in the bush. I should be getting an early night too. Last night was a shocker! Total insomnia set in once again, at least I've had a few really restful nights lately after claiming Anakin's bed all to myself - the best ever mattress in the world!

I had a moment of clarity last night and decided, at the risk I've really crushing my mum-in-laws feelings, all I actually want is to stay home leading up to this birth. Greg doesn't finish up work until my actual due date and I don't want to be away from him at all! I don't want to risk not being able to get hold of him at work when it could take him up to 2 - 3 hours to get up there anyway! He could quite possibly miss everything! I don't want to be without him in the afternoons, when my back is usually at it's worst and I need his help with Anakin. I don't want to have to pack up all the stuff Anakin and I are going to need for an extended stay, the Bubby's gear, hospital bags... The stupid staircases I'll need to climb 50 times a day with my even more stupid, pelvic joints... I can never sleep properly when I'm up there and that's enough of a problem here! I don't mind if I end up in the local hospital, it's just 15 minutes away and it's where I was born - can't be that bad! It's not like I'm high risk and need a bigger facility, I just chose Cairns Base because that's where Greg's family wants me to be! Plus I'd rather Baby's first car ride a short drive straight home! If Greg starts his holidays and I'm still preggas (please God, No!) then we can re-evaluate things from there. But otherwise the oldies can stay here with us or Nick has said they're welcome at her place. I just need Greg to break the news coz I'm too scared. (The bastard's like "Don't worry, I'll manufacture any lies you want me to"!! As if I don't feel bad enough!)

Up until a few weeks ago I was getting slightly hysterical whenever I thought about giving birth to another of Greg's huge boys. But now my perspective has shifted - this pregnancy is punishing, my body's debilitated (this f*cking computer chair doesn't help matters) and I cry myself to sleep feeling totally flogged out, all I'm going to be is full of elation when I finally hear that odd cracking sound as my waters break. I'm going to be singing-out Bring It On!! I want my baby safe and sound and I want my body back to normal!


Averil said...

Oooh, this entry gave me shivers & goosepimples. I don't know why...sheer excitement perhaps?!

That last paragraph really got me!

Great idea about staying close to home!!!

xx Ave

Kisses said...

Actually I was going to name this entry "Let it be easy" - I'd just been rereading your birth story with Aurora to try and give me more mental fortification as the big day arrives. I've been saying that to myself quite a few times today - I need some more tools in my toolkit!! I'm trying to replace thoughts like "HOLY SHIT I'M FREAKING OUT!!" and "I'M SO SCARED!!!"

Tiff said...

Woohooooo yeeeehahhh!!!! Yippppeeee Skipppeee!!!!!

You go girl! Stay down there!

You have had two SVBs you can do this one too - no fear, or if there IS fear, acknowledge it and then focus on that beautiful baby!

But get your butt up here soon cos we are running out of time for New Moon before "A" arrives! xxx