Spent the day out visiting my cloistered-rainforest-dwelling father, so as a result Greg's crashed out on the couch after too many home-brews and Anakin's fast asleep after a day in the bush. I should be getting an early night too. Last night was a shocker! Total insomnia set in once again, at least I've had a few really restful nights lately after claiming Anakin's bed all to myself - the best ever mattress in the world!
I had a moment of clarity last night and decided, at the risk I've really crushing my mum-in-laws feelings, all I actually want is to stay home leading up to this birth. Greg doesn't finish up work until my actual due date and I don't want to be away from him at all! I don't want to risk not being able to get hold of him at work when it could take him up to 2 - 3 hours to get up there anyway! He could quite possibly miss everything! I don't want to be without him in the afternoons, when my back is usually at it's worst and I need his help with Anakin. I don't want to have to pack up all the stuff Anakin and I are going to need for an extended stay, the Bubby's gear, hospital bags... The stupid staircases I'll need to climb 50 times a day with my even more stupid, pelvic joints... I can never sleep properly when I'm up there and that's enough of a problem here! I don't mind if I end up in the local hospital, it's just 15 minutes away and it's where I was born - can't be that bad! It's not like I'm high risk and need a bigger facility, I just chose Cairns Base because that's where Greg's family wants me to be! Plus I'd rather Baby's first car ride a short drive straight home! If Greg starts his holidays and I'm still preggas (please God, No!) then we can re-evaluate things from there. But otherwise the oldies can stay here with us or Nick has said they're welcome at her place. I just need Greg to break the news coz I'm too scared. (The bastard's like "Don't worry, I'll manufacture any lies you want me to"!! As if I don't feel bad enough!)
Up until a few weeks ago I was getting slightly hysterical whenever I thought about giving birth to another of Greg's huge boys. But now my perspective has shifted - this pregnancy is punishing, my body's debilitated (this f*cking computer chair doesn't help matters) and I cry myself to sleep feeling totally flogged out, all I'm going to be is full of elation when I finally hear that odd cracking sound as my waters break. I'm going to be singing-out Bring It On!! I want my baby safe and sound and I want my body back to normal!