"It feels so free!"

These were Izzy's words after he dived in, lost his dacks and found himself skinny-dipping around in the neighbours pool. (They went away over the weekend and left us with their pool gate key and an open invitation - so nice!) "It feels so free! I don't know why people don't swim around like this all the time!" I don't know why either but I reckon he'll be on the lookout for opportunities to steal a few free moments for a private skinny-dip from now on. His little white nudey-bum streaking around under water.

Bubby is still fighting off the snotties but is a lot better than he was. I started him on antibiotics because he was being troubled with earache and I didn't want to mess around with the possibility of a middle ear infection but somehow the medi' went missing and he only ended up taking it a few times. So he's had to soldier on through which is probably a lot better for his immunity in the long run.

His Dad looked after him a lot on the weekend. I went out with Nick for ages on Saturday to visit Nana and Grandad and get our grocery shopping and a little bit of Xmas shopping. And then on Sunday arve me and Mum and Nick went for a big bike-ride all over the place - checking out all the beautiful houses around the place and the new estates going up. Nick thought she was going to throw-up like the Biggest Losers Do after going up a few steep inclines and was cracking up at me and Mum "No more hills!! No more hills!!!", then half way home I noticed her back tyre was neally completely flat - no wonder she couldn't keep up. I kept having to circle back around behind them to keep them at a steady pace. I wanted to burn off some of the scrumptious homemade pizza's I've been making for dinners lately.

I had an emotional breakdown the other night. Sometimes I get so upset at myself when I reflect on some of the ways I have interacted with Izzy. And some of things I say to him and the way I react to him at times (And Greg). And then I start getting guilty that his Dad's not around for him and everything else just seems to feel like it's all my fault. It really gets me down and I get so miserable. And then come night time Greg expects me to feel turned-on the moment he is, when I've got all this stuff on my mind that I need to process and then he gets upset at me for bringing things up at bad times...bloody hell.

I just need to be more mindful of and involved with my family. I get guilty for taking every opportunity I can get to escape and ignore them all when they are the most important thing in the world, and during the week I have time of my own while Bub's asleep and there's nobody else around when I can do my own thing (like right now).

So after my big guilt trip yesterday we went for a bike ride, built a cubby in the loungeroom, played softball. Greg took the boys for a swim. We offered him a game of monopoly (but he declined)... I spoke rationally all day and didn't sit at the computer once. I did read the paper though...but I read it in his room while he watched a movie...and I made conversation over things I'd thought he'd find interesting...now I just have to keep it up day after day.. Then Greg might get some more often as I'll be more relaxed and less of a guilt-ridden freak!