Thems the Breaks

Wow, it’s been a while. Our keyboard went cactus about a week ago, Greg got a deal with the Good Guys so we’ve a newy and a spare now. But Nicholas has been generous with sharing his downloads so the boys have been hogging the computer watching wrestling and episodes of LOST. I can’t wait to start watching juicy episodes of NipTuck! “Anakin Christian” – I am a fan.

Yes, after reaffirming to Greg how lucky we have been with Anakin and what a seriously healthy little fella he is he came down with a fever over the weekend and noticeably increased breathing and heart rate. It didn’t really phase him too much, he happily reclined with a bottle of water or dozed away on the boobiejuice. But then on Saturday arve I put him down so I could get changed in the spare room and he picked up a coat hanger and somehow managed to fully hook himself under the tongue with it. Must of hurt so much – it bled pretty bad and after that he just couldn’t latch onto boobie at all – he couldn’t make the right shape with his tongue – it was so sad!! He cried and cried and I was so upset about it. Thankfully his Dad was on the way home from Cairns and helped settle him a lot. I couldn’t sleep all night being so worried, he tried and tried to have a feed but his tongue just wouldn’t let him, he’d just put his mouth over it and that’s about all he could do – he kept trying one and then the other. I thought it was going to be a real nightmare all night but he was that worn out every time he’d wake he seemed content enough just to snuggle against one and twiddle with the other as I pat him back to sleep. I think each time he was asleep enough for his suckling reflex to kick in he’d jerk with the pain in his mouth. POOR BABY! Finally at about 3.30 he managed a really good feed – he must have been starving by then! My boobs where about to explode and the milk was flowing as soon as he put his mouth to it so he just started sucking – I was SO relieved! I was entertaining all these horrible thoughts about his tongue healing the wrong way and him never being able to suck again! It was horrible and disempowering not being able to put him on the boob for a bit of comfort like I'm used to.

Anyway, the two Dads where here to look after each of their boys the following morning and I got to ride my pushie to the markets with Mum. That was a nice reprieve. (Except for Mum continuously pointing out all the spelling and grammatical errors on everyones homemade signs.) I bought a heap of delicious persimmons and an abiu tree. I couldn’t stop eating the whole time I was there either – vege curry puffs and spring rolls and sticky rice – yum! On the ride home we dropped in at Nicks and had a quick cuppa and a swim in the pool – it was almost afternoon by the time I got home and my underused boobs felt like extremely sore rocks! Bubby had been a good boy for his Daddy but understandably clingy – I don’t think Greg got much of a chance to even put him down all morning. I put him to sleep with a big feed, read the paper and ate some more…(I’ve got a big tape worm named Anakin!)

Well, I didn’t time my sideline project to well – just as a professional little Beauty House offering relaxation massage opened up at the beach about 7 k’s away, in a much more central location. Oh well – thems the breaks.

My girlfriend sent me some of the lovely sigs she has just taught herself to make - I thought well if that's how good her first ones turned out I'll give it a crack. And it so happened that my brother had installed some deadly version of Adobe Photshop for me that very morning - Well! It's totally beyond me!! I can't even understand what they're trying to tell me in the help tutorials!! I need to do a whole TAFE course on that program I reckon - it seems so incredibly complicated, I just need someone to SHOW me! I need to start with the basics!

Stranger than Kindness

Greg is in the habit of inviting people to stay that I’ve never even met before and then they bring people that neither of us have even met before. Sometimes I’m okay with it, sometimes preceding their arrival it’s like “Who ARE these people again??” “Where are they all going to fit Greg??” “Look, I don’t want to know – it’s your thing, you deal with it!”

But the latest house guest is awesome – he can come back and stay any old time! He plays with the baby, he made beautiful veggie risotto for tea, he vacuums and hangs up nappies, he washes dishes and fixed the internet connection lead. He found my missing mobile phone! He instigated an investigation into the dodgy plumbing in the bathroom and whippersnips the yard and helps on the shed. And he’s only been here for two and a half days! When he see what’s for dinner he exclaims “Look at THAT!” He gives you a squeeze and asks if you’re all right or what he can do for you!! He potters around cleaning!!! He’s a genuine honey!!

I teased Greg “You better lift your game I’m getting used to him!” But he teased me back “I’m getting used to him too, YOU better lift YOUR game!” Ha ha.

Cerebral Monopoly

Well here we are again at the tail end of another busy weekend. Bubby’s asleep after a huge breakfast, a poo, a play and a bath, Izzy’s off to school and I’ve done the vaccing and the dishes and am now sitting here with my big steamy cuppa and the crumbs of a couple slices of date and walnut loaf…ahh… the house is so quiet…all I can here are the birds in the bush and the odd car down on the road.

We had our family date at the school tennis courts yesterday. Anakin had lots of “firsts” yesterday arve – he had his first play at the preschool playground, he sat up in a tree for the first time and I took him for a BMX ride round and round the tennis courts. Family church members were setting up in the undercover area just as we were about to leave and one of them (a staff member) came around the corner for a chat, just as all three boys were taking leaks under the tree! Ugh! Perfect timing.

Nick keeps bringing up these house blocks in a new development, telling me they have ocean views and that they’ll have great capital gain etc but even if I could afford it, I’m not interested, I’m not that much of a beach girl myself, I love the mountains and the creeks. Our place would be perfect if it was closer to a creek – all we’ve got is a huge croc infested river. But there’s the most beautiful creeks not too far away, one day I’m going to have a block right near one.

On the weekend Izzy’s basketball coach happened to mention they were aiming to clean up their 3 acre block to sell, I took the boys for a swim after their training and swung by it …mmmm, something to ponder on.

I had the full real estate bug there for a while – so far I have a house block at Mission Park Estate, a three bedroom house at Mount Tambourine, an acreage in Feluga, I own 105 English St, Cairns, a pole home in a canopy of trees out the back of Edmonton, lot 130 - Redlynch Valley Estate and the freehold on a shop in Kuranda.

Great portfolio hey? Except it’s all in my DREAMS!!! I should have been looking back in the 90’s when the market was actually affordable!!

No. Doctor Happy says to really value and make use of what you already have and I think that’s sound advice – for now…

One set of Clackers, Coming Up!

Anakin is 9 months old today. YAY – he’s been out of the womb as long as he was in! This is what he hears a lot of:

“What are ya eatin’ that for? Paper/dirt clods/leaves/grass/ isn’t food Bubby!”
“Thanks for that Bub, nice hairstyle”
“Aww! Did ya have to kick me in the boob?”
“What’s up Chuppa Chup?”
“Hey Fatty!”
“You’re a smart, smart Baby”
“Hello Love”
“What’s your story Bajori?”
“Are you a hungry-bungry?”“BEGERKI!”
“Leave your hat on Bubby!”
“Watch your fingers”
“Careful…”
“You had a big sleepy Darling Baby”
"Cute Bum. Cute Bum."
“Want some Titty?”
“Where’s Izzy?”
“Bye-bye Daddy”
“Don’t stick you hand in the potty Bub!!”
“Wash your hands..”

Yesterday was our initial TV/computer/Xbox free day, that will be ongoing each week on a Wednesday or Tuesday (haven’t decided yet). It was really nice. We mucked around outside and Iz played with the new neighbours, we had a game of charades, a game of yahtzee and footmassages too. The plan being that Izzy will come to realize that we have more fun on the days we aren’t all taking turns being glued to a screen.

Actually I spent most of the day in bed with a fever, my period and a broken tooth. It kinda sucked for me. I was convinced I had dengue fever or something but I woke up this morning all good.

‘Cept I got bad news from the dentist – I need a root canal that’s going to cost me a small fortune. Story of my life – I think I could just do with a set of clackers! Save myself some money in the long run! She gave me the ultimatum – extraction or root canal, thinking I’d never come back if she gave me a chance to mull it over (I hate dental work!), I told her to pull it, but just after administering the second needle she informs me that the post crown next to it may well come out with it! I’m like WTF! I’m not that keen on the gummy look! So now I have to start saving!

I was smiling at myself in the review mirror on the way home and my teeth a really nice to a certain extent, but then if you actually get a look inside it’s like “Holy sh*t! Close ya mouth up PLEASE!!” When I don’t have my ID, I offer the bouncers a look inside my mouth and ask “do these look like the teeth of a 17 year old?”

I’m attracted to teeth too. Greg’s got the spunkiest teeth – the b*st*rd! When he got his mouth guard made up for basketball I treasured his mould! He’s got these perfect little square teeth. I love tapping on them with my fingernail, but it annoys him bigtime and he squeezes his lips together. Killjoy, makes me want to do it even more!!

A Killjoy and a b*st*rd in one paragraph, poor guy, he’s not even here to defend himself. Nasty.

My poor teeth, they’re like a threatened species. You can make a donation to save them if you like.

Charmed, I'm Sure

I googled an old boyfriend yesterday and then sent him an email. I’ve been dreaming about him a fair bit since Bub was born. I think it’s because I’m such a proud Mum and would like them to meet. He replied this morning with all of his good news too. He has a new CD which is getting airplay on TripleJ and he’s just recorded some mandolin for a Planet Arc song along with all these other Aussie muso’s like Missy Higgins and John Butler. Sounds like he’s in a real good place. He’s all “Praise Jah” and “Be Blessed” but I don’t suffer from crucial backlash against the positive New Age movement as much as I once did so that was kinda nice. It’s nice hey?

I broke a filling yesterday. Now I’ve got a lacerated tongue from the sharp corners in my mouth. You’d be excused for thinking I’m somewhat challenged in the area of speech the way I’m speaking – trying not to move my tongue around too much (nothing stops me from eating though!) I look like those stupid girls from “Charmed” who won’t open their mouths up properly to speak. They clench there teeth so you can’t tell that the show has a bodgy audio cuer! I’ve got a miserable toothache now n I hate dentists!

We met the new neighbours yesterday. YES! new neighbours Snoop got off the chain and raced over there to meet the big dog the owners were trying to control in their yard so we all raced over to make sure there wasn’t any trouble. Once we dragged Snoop home and tied him up we introduced ourselves. They have three kids - a boy the same age as Iz and may be in his grade 6 class today. Izzy instantly summised he had to be into WWE when he saw him barreling over the 3 three year old little brother with what looked to be one of Batista’s finishers. And then there was a cutie in grade three. I told her she’d be fine tomorrow that her teacher will be Miss B – my Mum, and not to be too nervous, she’s just the witch who lives on top of the hill, she’s not interested in eating little girls, only dogs and boys. Then Greg tried playfully roughing up their dog but it started growling and barking and circling us and then I got sh*t scared when I found out it was a rottie (only one year old but already half the size of me!) Because this is what a totally unprovoked rottweiler did to me last year:

So I ran away home to find smoke billowing from the house. I’d forgotton, I’d just began heating the olive oil to cook some eggplant when we all went outside to chase the dog! Me and Iz choked our way through the house switching on exhaust fans and ceiling fans and then we had to stay outside until the smoke cleared. The whole meet n greet was like a bloody episode of Faulty Towers. Crazy!

Super Dooper

Green tea with a wisp of jasmine. Mmm mmm. I’ve cut back to about one normal cuppa a day. The rest are usually green – much more rehydrating. Greg’s just taken up drinking coffee at the ripe old age of 26. My Great Grandma took up smoking at 60, and then gave it up at 70. Ha har – never too late to change!

Bubby had to wave his Daddy bye-bye this morning (yep we were actually awake this time). Oh well, we get on a lot better when he’s not here.

Easter holidays are all but over. Izzy will be off to school tomorrow too and then it will be “back to our usual programming”. Seeing as it’s his last holiday I thought we’d do what he wanted to today – he wanted to stay home – too easy. Might have something to do with the new wrestling game he bought with his pocket money, which he won’t be playing on Wednesday.

Greg spent heaps of time on his shed over Easter. Luckily coz I’ve given him a date where I will be marching his tools and bottles and toys out of the house whether it’s ready or not!
It has a roof and most of a wall now too!

He's got a picture of it as his screen saver when he could just look out the window. I’m amazed and proud of his success – it’s so huge. I keep wandering around up there going “Wow, you made this!” “You’re a builder!” He’s pretty cluey really. And useful sometimes too.

Too Deadly

My littlest fella has two front teeth! And he’s popping them out no worries at all! Now he can bite his own grapes in half. He’s good on the fang too that boy. Besides boobie, all Izzy wanted to eat when he was Anakin’s age was sultanas. But Bubby hooks into pawpaws and passionfruit and abius and fig porridge and avocados and cheese and banana and gojis and mulberries, he’s a scoff artist! Like me.

He’s crawling now too!! He doesn’t use his knees though, he sits on his bum with his hands out front, he leaves one leg crooked in front and uses his hands and the other leg to motor himself along. (I think a visual aide is needed to accompany that dodgy explanation.) And he does the commando crawl too. When he’s shirtless you can hear his chubby guts squeaking along on the lino.He’s such a honeybunny.

He always reacts to things with these big round eyes and he purses his lips and does breathy Who Whos. Izzy has very meaningful dialogues with him (it all in the facial expressions).

“Who?”

“Who!”

“Who Who!”

For a couple of days there though it was like he was possessed by someone totally different and it was this “Gobbledy-gobbledy-gurgly-gogly” interjected with Kalihari bushman like clicks and tocks. It was hilarious.

He’s nearly nine months old, 10 kilos and still hasn’t seen a sick day either! (I’ve said it now, cringing inwardly and hoping I’m not setting us up for a jinx) He had thrush on his tongue for about two days when he was a newborn, a blister on his big toe once from I don’t know what, a bellyache from a green banana and a bit of a shiner from a stack. I’ve given him panadol twice when he was stressing and probably just overtired but I didn’t know what else to do. That’s it! He’s never seen a doctor for anything since the day he was born! I’m so proud of him. He’s a little machine!

Well if the scales are correct I weigh in at 54 kilos. My normal body weight is 50. I won’t loose any sleep over the extra. I’m putting my faith in Vanilla’s theory that when Anakin weans I’ll promptly loose about two of them. The ones I’m hanging onto incase of a potential famine. I’ll just wait around patiently until then. Then I’ll see what I have to do about the other couple, probably not much, my body’s pretty good at finding it’s way back to it’s ideal weight no matter what I do or how much food and Easter eggs I stuff inside it.

Chocolate and Poo Spread

This year, Isaiah notified me that I wasn’t allowed to modify his chocolate intake on Easter day – I was to let him take ownership of his own ingestion. So that’s how it was, it was a bit of a risk considering on Easters gone by he’s consumed so much he had liquid chocolate dribbling out of his nose. (And that was with me keeping an eye on him!) Ouch! But he did quite sensibly considering the quantity of his booty. We’re going to be eating chocolate for a month! (Well that wouldn’t be much of a change anyway!)

Anakin even got a taste in – just a couple of little token specks of white chocolate was all. He got Sherlock Hemlock and Guy Smiley to suck on instead. And in the middle of the night I remembered that a couple of years back I bought this beautiful-fluffy-baby-Easter–bunny-suit. I got Greg up to help me drag down the fancy-dress suitcase and found it in there. Yay – how would ya be - just the right size for Bubby. He made such a cute Easter Bunny.


I was traumatized by a poo-smearing incident yesterday. Bubby was on the potty in the bathroom squeezing one out, so I took the time to quickly put a load of laundry on. By the time I got back to him…I think you know how the rest goes…yuck, all round his mouth, over his hands, on his shirt and the floor…eeww!! He probably noticed a couple of the mulberries Dad has been feeding him in there and got a bit hungry for them. YUCK!! Never in all my days have I had to deal with poo spread on a baby’s face. Anakin went straight for a rinse and then into a bubble bath – I was so grossed out I reckon I had him cleaned up in about 10 seconds flat! He was bawling his eyes out because of all the revolted sounds I was making to try and teach him that’s not something he should ever do again! I fed him some grapes and a big drink of water to get the poo taste out of his mouth. It’s been really smelly with his teething too…

I’m sorry, I hope you weren’t eating…

Greg’s off to pick up the outdoor furniture, he reckons he’s going to buy a set of scales while he’s there. Before I had Anakin I was 50-51kg, I think I went up to about 62 while I was preggas. I haven’t weighed myself since so I’m curious. I reckon I’ll be about 55. As long as I’m making plenty of milk for Bubby and he’s fat and healthy I’m not too worried. I like being an eating maCHINE!! At the moment I’m addicted to Wattle Valley Chilli and Cashew dip with seaweed crackers – Man it’s good, ya gotta try it!

Wicked Awesome

My man gave me the biggest pash before I went shopping this morning and told me “tonight’s your night Baby” (he must think he’s Craig David or something) – Big Man’s asleep on the couch! So much for that!

My massage table came, so we all had massages tonight to test it out! It’s a deadly one. I was only going easy on Iz but got a big clunk out of his neck which he thanked me for. Greg was in a euphoric daze throughout his. And then Greg did me, he’s been lifting too many weights lately and nearly broke my spine and burst a kidney and collapsed a lung and ruptured a “diskgliche”, as usual – a bit torturous, but any physical contact with him is good for me lately.

I wish I didn’t ever have to sleep, it’s such a waste of time. I really should have gone to bed a couple of hours ago coz, God, I’ve had some rough ones lately. I think Bubby’s teeth are troubling him a little bit which creates lots of night-wakings and stirrings.

He has been a superlative potty user of late. He went for about two weeks where every poo went in the pot! But we’ve had 2 slip ups lately, both times he was giving me all the signals – singing out for me and grunting and straining loudly but I kind of unintentionally ignored him thinking there was no way he could possibly have anymore in those little bowels of his – I think he defecates more than a fully grown adult! (All the mulberries and goji berries and grapes and porridge he’s been eating.) It was my fault - I won’t underestimate him anymore!

I had him cracking up in hysterics yesterday. I was saying to him “I’m forty” in that husky emphysemic voice from the quit smoking ad’ (I’m sorry, bad taste I know), but he thought it was hilarious!

So much for saving, I bought an outdoor setting today. It was half price!! I’ve been waiting for the perfect thing to furnish my porch with – somewhere comfy to sit and read and have cuppas. It’s a kwila setting with big comfy weatherproof cushions – the “Bellevue”, it has 2 sofa armchairs, a double seater sofa and two coffee tables! If Greg takes the trailer and picks it up for me I’ll give him half for his shed.

Sewing and Reasons to Cycle

Well I finally pulled out the sewing machine and had a go at making Bubby a pair of pants last night. I just freehanded a pattern and if he wasn’t wearing a big clothy they’d fit him really nicely, but I’ll adjust the pattern a bit so they have a bit more waist and roomy around the tush. It was fun, now all my hippy skirts and sarongs are at risk of being chopped up if I don’t make it to the fabric shop sometime soon.

I’m thinking I’m going to have to introduce a policy at our place where there is one computer/Xbox/TV free day each week. Maybe a Wednesday. We can play Yahtzee and Monopoly make brownies or a fire and kick the footy and stuff instead. Izzy has recently rejected story time in place of falling asleep to wrestling DVD’s so now I feel like I barely even have any quality time with him. He’s going to Auntie Nicks this arve so I won’t even see him after school. At least when he’s mucking around with his cousins he’s not watching TV. Hopefully I’ll talk him into coming to dancing with me, then I’ll get a chance to have an uninterrupted catchup with him on the drive.

Have to do some Easter shopping tomorrow, I’m expecting another big houseful this weekend – friends that want to camp in the yard, fellas to help with the shed. Izzy’s dad is coming back down, his band’s got a gig down the road on Saturday night so he’ll crash out in Izzy’s room and be here for Easter too. I need to do up Izzy’s basket – I’m thinking Lindt bunnies and Red Tulip assortments, a couple of little Egg Flips for Bubby and a big assortment of things to go on the table all weekend, Ferrero Rochers, Cadbury mini’s, hotcross buns….

Speaking of chocolate, me and Izzy melted some Calebout down the other night and blended it with cream and then dipped thin slivers of pineapple into it. Oh Man! It was so good. Yum!! I love good food.

I’ve started doin 15 minutes a day on the spinner. Doesn’t sound like much but Greg reckons “that’s all it takes”. I’m wondering “that’s all it takes to do what?” Change the shape of my sausage roll legs? Reduce the size of the muffin top? Counteract the lashings of cream I eat everyday? I think he means to increase my overall fitness levels. He knows he’d be mad to answer a question like that anyway, every answer would be wrong, I’m a girl afterall.

Anakin has started to pull himself up to standing lately! But the one thing that makes me feel like he’s really growing up outta sight is that little top toothie peg poking through. (And the other is following close behind.) He’s been hugging me real tight but only so he can bite my shoulder!

Explaining my Hackjob

I feel like a complete bore these days. I’m sure I was creative once. I used to spend hours drawing these detailed portraits of Jim Morrison. I made mobiles out of homemade recycled paper. I embroidered motifs all over the hems of my pants. I belted out tunes on my guitar. I wrote long juicy letters. I got drunk and recited poetry at the top of my lungs.

I was adventurous too. I lived out in the bush under a big tarp near the creek for a few months. I hitchhiked rides up and down the coast with truck drivers and families and strange drug dealers and all sorts of people, everywhere I went, for a few years. I’d stack my motorbike on the bitumen in the rain. I’d go to parties and make everyone homemade bread.

My sense of normality and responsibility kicked in hugely with my first pregnancy and I got real and got myself some real credentials. I didn’t care how much of a brokey-broke I was, but I wasn’t about to have a child in the financially deprived state-of-affairs I was use to!

Actually when I was single my interests seemed to thrive more. I sewed and facepainted and played tennis and went out dancing and hosted fancy-dress parties.

Lately I feel like I’m loosing myself. I feel amorphous. I like to read and have enjoyed writing again lately. But Greg places absolutely no value on either of those pursuits so I end up having to justify the time I spend doing either. It kinda sucks.

To prove to him I have got hobbies I printed out some music last night and hacked away on the guitar. My half-arsed versions of Henry Lee and God is in the House by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds and Dolly Partnon’s Jolene. What a hack job alright but it was fun.

I spose I better get off my a*se and get some things rolling around here. I might repaint the house. Then he’ll really see, visually, with his eyes, what I do with my time. (Besides doing all the housework and cooking and nuturing the children…)