Have you ever found a really good, comfy style of knickers so you just by 10 pairs of them and wear them everyday? Well that’s the way I roll. Kaiser black bikini briefs – they work for me. Or should I say worked. They’re all worn out now and need replacing with another fresh batch, but do you think I can find them in stock anywhere. No. Always happens to me! Comfy undies, yummy muesli, the best green tea…I finally find a product that I love that really suits me and then they take it off the shelves! Aghrrr!
So I decided to go out on a limb and try something a little different. I bought about five pairs of those cheeky little French knickers that expose the lower half of your bum cheeks. Like a mid rift top – but for your bottom. Literally half-arsed. They look real cute but do you think I can get use to the feeling of them riding up into my bum crack – Nuh, no can do.
So I moved on from there and decided on a whole set of hipster bikinis. Man! Am I the only person around with pubes these days! They’re bloody size 10-12 and there’s still not enough fabric to cover me up! (My beauty therapist friend is on a mission to get me to go for a brazilian, but all I can imagine is that scene from Something About Mary “Look out! We’ve got a bleeder! That’d be me! I’m European OKAY!) So I get some more, that I think are kinda cute – at least they feel decent and cover up the expanse of my undergrowth. Anyway Greg sees me wearing them, laughs and points and goes “Granny undies!”
What am I going to do? They all look fabulous on the hanger and then you get home and they suck AND BLOW!! I’d give up except there kind of essential aren’t they. I tell ya, if I was a bloke I’d be freeballing it right now!